Grief is a state of mind in which something unexpected happens to you when you are expecting something else. This sudden shock, which you get, puts you in a very low level of awareness.
Energetically, you become very low, in the sense that you lose awareness in the present time. You get disconnected from yourself, and you feel that you are in some deep hole. Grief is a state that can make you feel as if you are barely even living.
People who are in grief cannot see beyond the shock they have experienced, and it is not the right action to tell them to “move on, move on, and forget about what happened; it happens, it happened with everybody, and we are not exceptions.”
These are not the right suggestions for people in grief because they are going through a high-energy shock.
There are many emotions, and most of the emotions are mixed up with each other. A person in grief cannot even express what they’re going through. In order to help them, they need a lot of support, and this doesn’t mean cheering them up or changing their thought process.
In my view, allowing someone to cope with grief means giving them the space to express their feelings. This may involve the pain of losing someone, and it could also include feelings of self-blame, such as guilt or regret. They might regret not doing things differently or not listening to others, or they may wish the event had never occurred.
And then there’s the aspect of blame. You might blame someone else or even yourself for the misfortune. People sometimes blame it on God, which can lead to frustration. It’s confusing because you’re not sure whom to hold responsible for this sudden and shocking loss. And then there’s the feeling of sympathy, especially towards oneself, thinking, “Oh my God, what has happened to me?”
All these emotions within grief are made up of various elements. You might feel regret, blame, or sympathy. These emotions can be directed at yourself or someone else. They can be self-sympathy or sympathy for another person, whether they have passed away or are still trying to connect with you, often serving as a reminder of your loss.
The most crucial aspect of supporting someone in their grief is providing emotional support. This support entails being present for them as they experience their emotions, rather than attempting to uplift them or pull them out of their current state.
It’s essential to grant them the time to express what they are going through, allowing them to fully understand their feelings and process them completely. Once this has been achieved, they can gradually move out of their state of grief.
This is what constitutes grief counseling. You don’t need to do a lot in grief counseling. There’s no need for suggestions or motivation. What’s most important is to let the person be and allow them to experience the grief they are going through.
YouTube Channel Name: Dr. Alka Chopra Madan
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