In 2020, I lost my husband, and our 30-year marriage came to an abrupt end. He was my everything—a friend, a soulmate, someone who understood me better than I understood myself. When you share your life with someone like him, you believe that life will never take such a turn. This isn’t just my story; it’s the story of many people living in the blessings of a strong relationship. For them, life’s most valuable aspect is the bond they share.
Suddenly, this happens to you—the person is gone, and the shock of losing someone so close, so suddenly, prevents you from accepting the reality of it. I dedicated a full year to grieving our separation, making grief a part of my daily life. I didn’t rush through it; I lived and experienced every moment of physical separation from him. Day by day, I grew from the experience.
To the point that I understood that he is around always, he talks to me, he tells me what I should be doing in a particular moment. And then, that metaphysical energy or journey of mine began. so I learned what to focus on, to focus on his absence, or to focus on his presence.
Focusing on his presence was the key to continue living, to realize that we live forever, to understand that our time here is brief, and to recognize that we are living a dream. And then, this dream can end in a single day. When it does, you awaken. You are sleepwalking now. It’s not that you go somewhere else; you are still here, and you will always be here.
At the end of the journey of grieving, I arrived here. It was such a relief to realize and understand that we go nowhere; there is no other world. There is no this and that; there is no here and there. They are all made up.
So, as a result, I came to terms with this truth. Not that he is no more. The truth is, he is there; he is here. We are all here. And this realization was not a made-up realization. It is hard to deny the fact that we go nowhere. So, that marks the end of grieving. That marks the end of this riddle, this illusion that we are mortal beings trying to be immortal.
We are immortal beings. We are trying to be mortal. Enjoy this short span of existence in the body form you are living in. The body, then you leave the body. If you leave the body, that doesn’t mean that you go somewhere; you still remain, experiencing the presence of all that you have lost and not experiencing the absence. It is the final answer to your grieving journey.
This is where your joy begins, and grief ends. Let grief reach its final destination. Sometimes, when I see a lake merging with the ocean, I see the same union: a bubbling, full of energy, enthusiastic ocean vibrating with immense energy, force, and strength, and a tired, quiet lake, laden with all the debris it brought from wherever it went. It merges with the ocean, and the next moment, it is also dancing with joy. That is who we are.
I am not making it fun. This is the truth, the truth for now. Come out of your grieving journey to experience the joy. It is available for you; it was available for you always, but then you stepped out of it. Welcome back.
YouTube Channel Name: Dr. Alka Chopra Madan
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