Love and affection for children”- This is a topic which may make you think, ‘Who doesn’t know love and affection for children?’
If they are your own children, love is spontaneous. And it cannot be taught. There is no need to learn about love when you are parenting your own children.I have seen an abundance of love being given to children in various forms and shapes, but not in its original form.
Parents start the game of love with children. The first question that they generally ask is, ‘Whom do you love more, mom or dad? Mother or father, whom do you love more?’ And then the child has to make up his mind about whom to love more than the other person. That, in itself, devolves the definition of love. Love is not in degrees; love is something universal. Love’s original form is that it stays the same.
Liking is something that increases or decreases.
So, the first lesson to impart to children should not be through education but through the practice of unconditional acceptance and providing a safe haven for them. Love should not be conditional or based on rewards. It shouldn’t be like, ‘If you clean the room, then I’ll give you a hug.
Do not associate love with conditions. All of us have found it hard to accept love coming from people conditionally.
If you are physically fit, you will be loved. If you stand first in your class, you’re accepted. If you listen to me and obey me, you’re shown love. However, the constant ‘ifs’ create the complete opposite of the concept of love. When you are with your child, allow them to experience the feeling of ‘come with me.’ Provide a safe environment and a sense of security that lets them embrace their imperfections. This willingness to hold your hand, stay close, and be with you stems from genuine love.
He misses you. Now, when you do just the opposite, you tie your love for them to numerous conditions. They are willing to live with you as long as they feel insufficient. Once they’ve achieved sufficiency, they desire their own space. They no longer wish to be with you.
They do not want to be judged for every move they make. They want to stay away in their own room. They want to talk to friends, those who accept them just the way they are. Then you wonder that you’re doing everything, everything for them, and look at them.
He misses you. But when you impose conditions on your love, you create a disconnect. They are willing to be by your side as long as they feel insufficient. Once they become self-sufficient, they seek their own space. They no longer want to be constantly scrutinized for every action. They prefer to stay in their own room, conversing with friends who accept them as they are. And then you wonder why, despite doing everything for them, they seem distant.
They don’t love you. They don’t want to sit next to you. They avoid you. They want to go and live in dorms in the colleges, even if the college is very close to the house, because they look for friends who accept them unconditionally.
I hope this piece helps you in changing your perception of love with your children, not make it a commodity. This is a concept; it flows. It flows with you. Let it flow. Let it flow as much as you can. Love is abundance; love is everything. Be that source of love, who you are. Do not put too many filters on its outflow. Let it go spontaneously.
YouTube Channel Name: Dr. Alka Chopra Madan
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